rejuvenation

So I started this bog two years ago just before my great grandfather died and it's been two years since I've written in it. So, with my husband's first pending deployment and having nothing to do all day as a stay at home mom, I mean who cleans anymore, I've decided to rejuvenate the blog with my love of family and cooking to hopefully bring forward some crafts and recipes and just everyday life stories. :)

Waiting

After having little sleep last night I woke up once again to an empty house. I promptly called my grandma to ask when someone will come pick me up. She informed me that my papa has gotten worse and that she's not leaving ans my mom will come get me later, I just knew that I couldn't sit around waiting for later. Eventually nana had my Aunt Sharon come get me, which I'm extremely grateful for. I now look like one hot mess lol, my hair is half straightened and my makeup nonexistant, but atleast I'm here with my grandpa, that's all that matters to me right now.
We are all sitting here wondering why he wants to stay in this world why he is willing to suffer...his body is an empty vessel, with his spirit still clinging on, unwilling to depart this plane. I wish he'd pass on for his own sake. I don't want him to suffer anymore, it's wrong. (Micheal is insane!!! But I get what he's saying:) ESP for the win) Nana and Micheal make this really hard to wite because they don't stop talking but I shall still attempt. I think i can't keep my train of thought so I'm ng to go see my grandpa.
-Marie

update

The age old question, is there a heaven and a hell? We may never know. We all have our own beliefs, and in my opinion there is not. I believe in reincarnation. My grandpa's condition is deteriating, but that doesn't mean that he will leave us forever. I believe that he will come back into our lives somehow.
As I sit here pondering in my grandpa's amazingly comfortable chair, I have to wonder whos beliefs are trully right? What if they all are, in their own way? That you may go to heaven, and be an angel or hell and be a demon or whatever but at some point when you are through with your spiritual R&R you come back to this Earth to try again.

I was never one to be really religious. I'm Pagan. But I'll always believe that there is something out there to help guide us. I don't think it's fair that my Nana won't let me stay the night again for the fear that the lack of sleep will take a big toll on me, but I understand where she's coming from. I need to go home and pack, the hardest thing will be picking out an outfit for the funeral, I need to do her laundry so that she can pack. I need to rest for tomorrow, because my Uncle is picking me up to go to a Parkinson's benefit. There's so much to be done with so little time and so much uncertainty, he could pass at any moment. I believe he's waiting on something or someone, but he could just be doing it in his own time. Trying to show us that he's still stubborn and still strong that he can do things his way just like always. Father's day is Sunday. I'm afraid he'll pass then, that would be like double the heart break. I love my grandpa and as long as he goes with the least pain possible I'll be happy :)
-Marie

family...

So for the past few months my dear great grandfather has been in a local nursing home. The staff has been great and they are all really professional. But, the past few days my grandpa has slipped into a coma...well four days to be exact, and he is not expected to pull out of this at all. He's 87 it's bound to be close to his time to depart. I've always been close to my grandfather, and I'm taking this very hard. I stayed with his all night last night holding his hand and yesterday my grandma had me do the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and that's tell him that it's ok to go. I was a wreck and to top it all of an extremely attractive guy had to point out that my mascara was smeared...thank you cap'n obvious. I just wish that my grandpa didn't have to suffer like this it's so hard to handle at 16, but I can cope, I just want him to be comfortable and not feel anymore pain. He doesn't deserve this he was a very good man.
It amuses me how holding his hand last night everytime I would start to doze off he would squeeze my hand and wake me up. The past week all I've don is think about how when I was younger we would sit in his shop and he'd smoke and I'd have candy cigarettes and we's sit and talk. I always loved to go and visit my grandpa, it was something that I always looked forward to. Him and I would always chase lizards together or snapping turtles. We just had so many good times. Even recently, when we decided to take him home for his birthday he decided he was going to go on a joyride in his golf cart. He guilted me into getting in with the line "your not like the rest of them, you trust me" It was too much for me to handle so I had to go with him...he ended up running me into two trees. I've never been so scared for my life. But, looking back on it I'd do it all over again, multiple times, because he's my grandfather and I love him so much and wish he didn't have to pass but right now it's what will be best for him. I shoulkd really go now I've probably bored you with my ramblings and I need to get back to my post by his side. I ask you to pray please.

-Marie